I am overwhelmed

Again, only, this time, it's a different type of overwhelm-ment. Yes, I made up a word. I am overwhelmed by how little I am, and how big God is. And the fact that He cares.

Today at church I sang on the worship team! And, the more I think about it, the more awesome it becomes :) It was so cool to be able to lead those people into God's presence. Don't get me wrong; I was nervous. But, it's like, it didn't even matter. Because the whole things isn't even an ounce about me. And yeah, I'm human, and wanted people to notice my voice and tell me how great I am and how well I did, but.... that part just makes me.... tired. Like it's not the point, so why waste time on it? And it was just really cool. And I feel so honored and humbled that God would use me in such a powerful way to help lead His children to His feet. It's so cool.

One of the songs we sang (SO beautiful):

So... all day I've just had this amazing feeling of humility and gratitude. Which is funny, cuz that's exactly what our pastor taught before we had communion; that we should come to the table with humility and gratitude, and accept what He's done for us.

And my newest "life insight:" (I've been having these a lot lately): I feel guilty for what Jesus did for me; like, I have to pay Him back in some way. Or I don't deserve it. Or I won't live up. So you know what I did? I "biblegateway.com"'ed the word "disappoint" because I fear that I will be a disappointment to God, and you know what? It doesn't say once--NOWHERE in the Bible--that God is ever disappointed with a human being. The only time it mentions disappointment is when we as humans are disappointed in something--like not trusting or idols, etc. So my deep question of the day (probably week or month): Is it possible for us as humans and children of God to disappoint Him? I'm honestly starting to believe it's not.

... But I'll pray on it.

I'm not sure if I have anything else to tell you. I have your birthday present. I'll send it this week. Are you coming home for Thanksgiving? When and for how long? I'm supposed to sing in church that Sunday, so I'm trying to decide if I'll come home Saturday night so I can participate, or just skip it that month. Family is more important, so I wanted to see what your plans are (and Jarod's and Mom and Dad's) before making any decision. And I'm probably going to try and get 2 weeks off for Christmas. I need it. And I'm not gonna quit my job yet. I'm 99.99% sure God wants me there right now for a reason, so I'm just going to keep seeking Him, bite the bullet, be humble, be joyful, and go for HIM, and no one else. Cuz... that's just that.

Okay, I need to go to bed now. I'm sorry if this was long and jumbled. We need to chat on the phone sometime soon so I can post fun things and not just all my crazy thoughts :)

I LOVE YOU!!!!!! Praying for you every day :)

--E